Valentines’ ~ A Hard Phase !!

Love is in the air…!!!

Is it, really ?? Is everyone really committed to their *special someone* so deeply ???

Shalakha Chahal : REALLY HAPPY WITH MY LIFE…!!  :D

Tears trickled down from Anya’s eyes…Not beacause her friend was so happy and satisfied with her *just perfect* life…not because her Best Friend uploaded a darn cute picture with her boyfriend which actually deserved to be framed..Not because she was alone….But, because she deserved to be satisfied with her life..deserved to be content…deserved to be acknowledged….Riding solo is no bad !!! Then why couldn’t she make herself comfortable ?? Why did she need someone to hold on to her ???

The ambiance..!!!…There was nothing but hearts all around while she trying to find out the broken pieces of her very own heart scattered all over…

At college ~

Pranjini : Hey, I’m soooo tired today !
Anya : uhhoohhh, after a Sunday, yeah ??? Is it due to the Saturday’s prom night ??

Pranjini : No man..!! Went to Vaishali yesterday..to that mall….and guess what !!! 70% off Anyaaa…!!!!      Eeeeeeee…i was thrilled..!!

Anya : Ohh, WOW..!!! But why did you go there ?? Weren’t you already done with your quota for the month, huh ???

Pranjini : Let me complete atleast…hold on..I went there with Parth..to help him choose a nice dress for Mandy….;)

Anya : Wow…lucky this girl Mandy is ya….But what’s the occassion ?? Is it her birthday or something ??

Pranjini : Are you kidding me ??? Don’t be a jerk Anya !! It’s Valentines man..!!!!!!

Anya : ohh….is she pretty ???

Pranjini : Ya..I just wish Parth was serious for her….
Anya : W-H-A-T ????? So what do you mean ?? He’s getting chocolates, teddies, this lovely dress and all the other girly stuff on Valentines for her and now you tell me that he’s not serious…!!! Duh…

Pranjini : Yeah…this is what the scene actually is…and he would not mind dating other girls all this while …And guess what !! Last night , he had this amazing dream that he was dating YOU and Mandy at the same time and you turn out to be “best friends”… You and Mandy , I mean…

Anya : Whooaaaa…!!!!! And these people all over the world are going head over heels in love..!!!!

Teacher enters…

Still suffering from the after-effects of the terrible heart break that Anya recently went though,she felt choked…The more she tried to avoid such *so-in-love* talks, the longer she found herself being dragged into it…Be it college, Twitter, Facebook, newspaper, every damn place, real or virtual….’cause for most of us LOVE IS IN THE AIR…But somewhere while celebrating our joys, we forget about such docile beings who are badly hurt..who are trying to escape, hide and find refuge every time people make claims about “How Perfect Their Life Is”…but somewhere ignore and neglect that there are people..suffering every micro second of their lives…

Yes, life has never really been good to Anya with her young little heart being trampled on every now and then…all that she can claim having an experienced in – “suffering a betrayal”…!

Now, while we are so engrossed in our joys..all she does is wait…wait for the things to be alright someday….waits with a hope that her life, too, would be *just perfect for her* someday…waits for her own fairy tale….waits for the “happily ever after”…waits trying to come out of the darkness….waits for a day much bright…and yeah, waits with a wish to Live…!!

And I Take A Day Off….

“Finally accepted the very expected proposal”, reads the facebook status of a very dear friend…

Unlike other holidays, I woke up much before the usual getting up at 11 am on all off-days…Putting on dad’s baggy track jacket, I stepped out of the warm and cozy blanket….The chill in the weather and the somnolence in the ambiance forced me to slip back into the soft sheaths of my blanket with a hot cup of coffee which provided a comforting warmth to the palms…

I managed to pull the lappy out before I could take the last few sips of the coffee…Sliding the cup away towards the side table, my fingers actively started working on the keypad…

Before the fingers could click over the 32 notifications, 3 requests and 2 messages…, my eyes got struck to the news feed… “Shambhavi Mishra and 10 others posted about Valentines Day”…. Noticing me smirk at the laptop screen, I could hear dad muttering something to himself like always.. Ignoring him, I scrolled down further finding nothing but the “Happy-Propose-Day” posts all over the feed…This was not all.. There were many others..posts, I mean, each dripped in the deep ocean of even deeper LOVE….!!

Ignoring it, I decided to revert back to the notifications…… And, it was really annoying to find nearly half of them related to Propose Day pictures I was tagged in and about people commenting on them.. Frustrated, I switched to the other tab to check the mails while I could hear mum guiding the sleeping beauty on “How-a-student-supposed-to-appear-in-the-boards-should-study-in-the-wee-hours” and a lot more… It is actually interesting to listen someone talking to their own self like that…. 20 minutes passed, and finally, mum decided to switch the tape recorder fit in her brain (which once turned on gives the same set of guidelines) off… Meanwhile, I was done checking the mails….

Once again, I turned to the Facebook tab…..I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-I-N-G…!!!! I had never in past few days noticed such “more and more” new posts within such a short duration…

“aAj to pRpSe dY hAi aAj to mNa mt kRo………pleZ…….i’ll never let u go…..!sAcChi…….:(…♥♥♥”

“Main ho gaya single
I wanna mingle
Haseeno rehna bach ke zara..”

“Propose in New Style.
Boy To Girl- Mai Apse Frndship Krna Chahta Hu. Grl- Meri Sagai Ho Gyi H.
Boy- Fir Behen Ban K Apni Kisi Saheli Se Bat Kra De.”

“Dress code for Feb-14:Green-Leave me Alone
Red-Going 2 Propose
Pink-Accepted Proposal
Black-Rejected Proposal
White-Already Booked”

I felt sick to my stomach…!!!! Because these weren’t all… There were posts about “marketting lessons” on how to propose a girl…and what not..!!!

And thus, I decided to take a day off from Facebook and rather decided to do a better job of creating this post for you all..

Ashna Mishra

’cause the life won’t freeze…

And now I feel okay…

This brain has begun to think again (though some part of it still needs repair ), this heart  has begun to pump again (though it still needs to beat as it did), these eyes have begun to see again (though they still need to sparkle as before), these ears have begun to hear again (though they still need to listen)…. I guess, I’ve got my life back..But I still need to LIVE..!!

Every fibre of me pined for him..Why ?? I still have no answer….Even before 9 months and 3 weeks, I was well aware of how wrong I was doing to myself..And, here I am now with tears of understanding still cursing April 16, 2011….Didn’t I ever know this was someday going to happen ??? Wasn’t I prepared..????…or Was I just trying to hide away from reality..???….

I would rather say, this heart wasn’t willing to accept the fact that it could lose…that it could be defeated so ruthlessly..disastrous, it was !! But what was the race all about ?? It was all about my firm belief that my compromises could bring about a transformation in him…which eventually turned out so cataclysmal to me….and the world seemed fatal.,dreadful….as if it was the terminal of all miracles and the prosperous moments…This is when the senses stopped working..and I ?? I ceased to LIVE…
Why are you doing this to yourself ???…Does he even care ??….How long..?? WHY ???????….Atleast reply..!!!…Your life has not come to an end…You’re just eighteen….Stop being a zombie..!!!

Haunted by suchquestions and remarks, I decided to introspect…A self-introspection..! And the thought process began……from seconds to minutes, minutes to hours and then hours to days…

T o my shock and surprise,I discovered that  the life was still going on..then what was actually wrong ??..Yes, I wasn’t living….I was frozen..And thereof, the realisation dawned upon me..there are still others who hold my life…there are still others who love the smile on this face..there are still others who seek for the missing sparkle in these eyes..and most importantly, there is still..”a soul”, captivated inside, struggling so hard, day and night, to shine…to celebrate..and to LIVE..!!!

Though a bit late, but it is indeed satisfying that I finally envisage –“ Life won’t freeze”…!!!

I will LIVE…!